Ask yourself, is your marriage or relationship as
strong as you actually make people believe
The very fact that everything looks pretty on
the surface does not always mean that all is
well in paradise.
True, you may not have had a big fight in ages, or
you both don’t even argue, [which in itself might
even be a bad thing] this, though, doesn't
necessarily mean that you're happily married.
Apparently, as Melissa Cohen , a relationship
therapist puts it, “most marriages don't fall apart
because of big things, like cheating.
"Often, it's the buildup of years of resentment over
lots of little annoyances that suck the love out of
a marriage."
Having said that, the next thing to ask is this:
what are the signs that things are not good in
your relationship, even though it looks so?
Communication is weak
One way to know relationships that are indeed
flourishing is that the partners therein regularly
engage in deep emotional communication and
want to remain intimately connected to each
other's inner worlds.
If you don't think to both the small moments and
the big moments with your spouse first, then
there is something amiss in your connection,
whether it appears so or not.
You're overly focused on yourself
You now prefer to spend your time in activities
that involve just you, instead of those that you and
your partner used to enjoy together.
You might start to exercise a lot, work longer
hours, or spend more time with your friends
People might be deceived by the fact that you and
your partner still some things together, but you
know deep down that you are doing them only as
ritual, and not because you really want to be
there.
If things were left to you, you’d rather be far away
from where your partner is.
If you got others fooled, you shouldn’t do that to
yourself. Your marriage, your relationship is not
ok, and you know it.
Unfavourable comparisons
If you ever think, ‘I wish my husband was more
like Shade's husband’ or ‘I deserve someone who
would do for me what Amaka’s husband does for
her, then, as Cohen puts it, “you've got one foot
out the door,”
Indifference to your partner
In a previous article published on this page, we
explained how fighting could be a good thing for
your relationship » .
Becoming so disengaged that you don’t even
argue with your partner anymore shows that you
are no longer willing to invest your energy and
work into making the relationship tick.
Is a happy marriage or relationship worth fighting
for? Absolutely.
So, if you are no longer fighting for it, it means
something is no longer good about that
relationship.
Lack of real intimacy
That you are still having sex does not really mean
that all is well, you know.
Agreed, sex is a great form of being intimate and
shows that the bond is still intact, but sometimes,
you could be having sex just because you are
horny and there’s always someone available to
indulge you.
This is particular with couples that have always
enjoyed great sex.
Going to bed at separate times, sleeping in
different beds… these are other signs that
intimacy is lacking in your relationship.
you both don’t even argue, [which in itself might
even be a bad thing] this, though, doesn't
necessarily mean that you're happily married.
Apparently, as Melissa Cohen , a relationship
therapist puts it, “most marriages don't fall apart
because of big things, like cheating.
"Often, it's the buildup of years of resentment over
lots of little annoyances that suck the love out of
a marriage."
Having said that, the next thing to ask is this:
what are the signs that things are not good in
your relationship, even though it looks so?
Communication is weak
One way to know relationships that are indeed
flourishing is that the partners therein regularly
engage in deep emotional communication and
want to remain intimately connected to each
other's inner worlds.
If you don't think to both the small moments and
the big moments with your spouse first, then
there is something amiss in your connection,
whether it appears so or not.
You're overly focused on yourself
You now prefer to spend your time in activities
that involve just you, instead of those that you and
your partner used to enjoy together.
You might start to exercise a lot, work longer
hours, or spend more time with your friends
People might be deceived by the fact that you and
your partner still some things together, but you
know deep down that you are doing them only as
ritual, and not because you really want to be
there.
If things were left to you, you’d rather be far away
from where your partner is.
If you got others fooled, you shouldn’t do that to
yourself. Your marriage, your relationship is not
ok, and you know it.
Unfavourable comparisons
If you ever think, ‘I wish my husband was more
like Shade's husband’ or ‘I deserve someone who
would do for me what Amaka’s husband does for
her, then, as Cohen puts it, “you've got one foot
out the door,”
Indifference to your partner
In a previous article published on this page, we
explained how fighting could be a good thing for
your relationship » .
Becoming so disengaged that you don’t even
argue with your partner anymore shows that you
are no longer willing to invest your energy and
work into making the relationship tick.
Is a happy marriage or relationship worth fighting
for? Absolutely.
So, if you are no longer fighting for it, it means
something is no longer good about that
relationship.
Lack of real intimacy
That you are still having sex does not really mean
that all is well, you know.
Agreed, sex is a great form of being intimate and
shows that the bond is still intact, but sometimes,
you could be having sex just because you are
horny and there’s always someone available to
indulge you.
This is particular with couples that have always
enjoyed great sex.
Going to bed at separate times, sleeping in
different beds… these are other signs that
intimacy is lacking in your relationship.
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